being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
