Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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