You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
