Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
