last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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