the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
