I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
