Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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