please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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