My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
