a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
