dude i'm inner monologue high
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
