Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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