Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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