well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
