I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
