Where did you get a picture of my penis
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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