Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
