Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
