just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
