have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
found the other keg... it's in the tree
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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