New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
