Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
