none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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