why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
