and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
