four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
