When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
