I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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