you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
