Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
