I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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