I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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