I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
