I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
