so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
