mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
