There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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