my vag is so smooth its legendary
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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