Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
