If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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