It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
