Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
