So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
