He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
