i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
