I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
