sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
