I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
