I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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