Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
