the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
