I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I die, sorry about rent.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
