You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
